Some days, you have those days where you feel like you didn’t realize you were ever in the lead, but everyone you know or don’t know is throwing blue shells at you like a massive dodge ball session. I recently had one such day.

After a fitful night of sleep, I woke up and got dressed and SHELL I had a migraine.

Leon was going out of town, so we decided to meet for lunch. On the way there, I bumped the side of my tire rim on a parking block. SHELL

I had an hour between lunch and a doctor’s appointment, so I went to the dollar tree for a little non-harmful retail therapy. I actually needed some toilet bowl cleaner (WOOO!), so it was productive. Until a woman in the cheeseball aisle walked directly up to me and burped in my face. And not a polite, oopsy burp. A full on sailor belch. I almost vomited. SHELL

When I got to the doctor, I sat in one of the 30 available seats and an old man came in and sat right next to me. Within 3 minutes, I heard a nasty noise, felt a small vibration on the connecting seat and it began to stink really, really bad. Then it happened again. And again.

The old man next to me was pooping in a diaper. Right next to me.

He turned to me and grinned.

He did it on purpose.


More stuff happened, but I think that pretty well takes the cake.

When I picked up A.J. from school, we went to Sonic. I got a Route 44 (super huge) Sweet tea and got him a shake. I needed it.

If anyone feels the need to come sit right next to me, when there are 30 available chairs and burp in my face or poop, they can go shell themselves.